Adrenaline Crisis

How does it feel when reality give you a tight slap on your face; you withdrew in silence, your heart twinge at almost every word said, you retreat by circumstances without any chances or attempts on justifications… How does it feel when every word became a potential danger; Every word brings a different kind of pain, even though it serves the same purpose or mere repetitions, it elevates pain to a greater level. When all these years you thought you know what pain felt, but this pain appears to be something you’ve never come across… How do you feel when your self-esteem and self-confidence slowly detach themselves from you, because you never appreciated their existence. Hope and faith no longer embrace you like they did before. Patience no longer serve you because you took your own patience for granted… How do you feel when the thoughts of future now no longer bring you happiness, but it reiterate the fear that you have in you?

With a limping leg and a battered heart, with all the imperfections that exist in me, with all the pain and burden I’ve carried around for a little too long, Ive found the courage to slowly carved out a line on the ground. Not quite a notion of surrender nor admitting defeat. But rather an indication that I’ve lost it. Anything beyond the distinct barrier that I’ve consigned myself to is simply….foreign. My patience finally recognized the boundaries that for so long have been blurred by affection and it’s complications. And I don’t see myself crossing the line neither would I make attempts to cross it. At least not at the moment because I’m not even close to curious in finding out what’s in store waiting at the other side. You see, people always say that the grass is greener on the other side, but that’s not always the case. I would not declare this to be an act of isolation, but really… I think as August approaches, I’m constantly reminded of it’s importance. On top of anything else.

Anyways, haven’t you notice that I’m actually rough… On the edges?

You win some, you lose some. Things don’t always work out the way they are supposed to. I guess if its meant to be, things will always find a way. And even if it doesn’t, you will always have my heart.

Love, N.