lock and key

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is the day I turned twenty-one."

Mistakes, how many steps of a child's are mistakes? As we grow older, the mistakes accumulate. Miscalculations, mistaken identities of the Self, mistaken perceptions of people and their flaws, mistaken goodness when there is none. Adulthood probably brings about the era of regret. Adults regret plenty of things. Those who claim they have no regrets, I wonder how they did it. Are their minds and personalities just so compatible for shoving aside the bitterness of regret, and the sour taste of acidic splashes of anger; or have they just made such well calculated, purely beneficial steps?

Being alone while in a crowd is one of the worst feelings ever. I think it just makes a person feel unwanted and unnecessary, id est, not good for mental health. Being alone while intentionally alone, or tangibly alone, is a different matter all together.

Alright. that a side. I've turned twenty-one now. The year of adulthood some would say. A beginning to a new chapter. As much as I wish it were sparkling clean and untainted by backlashes, I can't help but think it has already been. By the wants and my own personal resolutions and predictions. Come on, we've all spilled the history of yesteryears into Tomorrow. No? A patient once told me that seeing things through rose-tinted lenses ruined his life, and cynicism allowed him to make the right decisions, because he would trust others less, therefore in toto, he got cheated less often. Perhaps this is rationalization at its worst, but one can see the logic in it. The sad logic of the world.

So, I've think same as always, I want to be as happy as I can get. Mania aside, happiness is good. Praying for happiness and contentedness is not uncommon for me. and Alhamdulillah, everything's going good since that night I turned a year older.

Sullying my year ahead with some resolutions -- here they are!
#1: Not to miss my prayers.
#2: Spend less on stationery. I shall try to restrict my distractions when stepping foot into bookstores.
#3: Exercise more. It's been a while since I last went for a run. I miss morning runs. Hmm...
#4: Sleep better.
#5: Get over disappointments faster, especially those to do with the rest of humankind I am unfortunately surrounded by.
#6: Maintain a well balanced view on Life, Work, Play.
#7: Love more, but not with disinhibition. The finer things in life can definitely be better appreciated.
#8: Finish what I set out to do.

Here's to the many wonderful days/months/year ahead, and may it be bountiful. May it be less choppy than the one quickly ending.

Just a quick recap of my birthday celebration;

...from kite flying to swimming. late night girl talk and stealing food from the kitchen at 3 freaking AM. from ondeh ondeh making to tali pochong perawan, from twister to late night taboo game, from all the good junk BBQ food to the pinkish birthday cake and the awesome company...im too lazy to upload all the pics. more of it at FB...

I know I've done this personally but thank you so much again wonderful people for making my 21st a memorable one. especially, mummy and daddy who's behind all these with the cooking and planning! muacks! :D

With love beyond words, Nin.