self indulgence.

My mind is crowded with thoughts, waiting to just worm out.

I just think I'm having a role-conflict.

and no, unlike you out there, I want to be SOMEONE in life. someone who's capable of making a difference, someone who doesnt give dull reasons, someone who has a flair for creativity and excels innit. and someone whose place isnt beneath a pile of shitzzz, whose talk isnt CHEAP. someone who owns a fruitful life, values friendship, dies with a satisfied smile knowing that i've accomplished all my duties.

I don't understand why people diss without thinking, why they have cruel skepticism. I know its human to judge. I judge too, I go +ohmygosh+ when I see people with nike-just do it eyebrows, I go wtf is she/he thinking?! when I spot something out of the ordinary, list goes on. but why find fault with all the flaws in the world EVERY SINGLE TIME until it drives you crazy, it only shows that within you only hatred and anger swirl, like you've never been loved by someone. why can't we live life as it is?

maybe only god holds the answer.

life's tough, and like soldiers we are meant to deal with it. fight, get through those hard times. it's a huge test, it's a test to see how long we can last in this orbit, a test to point out those who are profound enough to withstand, those who just fall short and give up, those who find all the flaws in them and accept them as part of themselves, and those who find all the fault in them but blame others for them. after living for 19 years now, i've yet to discover more 'bout life and its agenda.

sadness is supremely beautiful, for unlike happiness, its real.

I've learned that a rebound is so much hurtful than a rejection. I shall draw that fine line between us (all) to avoid backflow reactions. and to fully maximize my potential to upgrade my self/body confidence. call this boosting up the self esteem? whatever. Nonetheless, ego. respect. pride. These three elements - I shall not compromise.

and so, i'm done with module one! :) the hopes and optimism is at the brim eventhough im having the volatile time in my life. it is paradox. isn't it? just like having unfairness in equality. let's not sidetrack.

After eight long hours on the treatment floor, it was time to be on the road. road of happiness. I've got Nelson Yap to thank. He made my day by all the crappy-ridiculous jokes and also clearing my module :D In summary, today's lesson was superbly funn!

I plan to complete my drawings (all six of them) due next two weeks, by tmrow. superwoman ehh Nin? haha! Procrastination of assignments are not allowed remember? Furthermore, I need to spare the time for the girls this Sunday. cant wait!

Okay chop chop. back to drawings. but where the hell are my pencils???

Lots of love, Nin.