deep within

Sometimes. i do like to compare myself with other people in my head (repeatedly :/ ) over things that matters a lot to me. and after each session of comparison, what i get is: a even more insecure, demoralized, loser-ish me. and me questioning myself if i ever will be good enough. damn why am i even trying to live under someone else’s shadow. :(
you see the disastrous impact of that. im not that strong as how i sounded to be. just the maybe(s) and perhaps.
these thoughts pop in my head without giving me any sorts of warnings and attack me and I kind of have zero defense against it. ):


just like rapunzel. she struggled with herself as she escapes her confines. it was a moral dilemma between living her dreams and her moral guilt of disobeying her mom. her spasms of guilt and glee, i can so totally relate to.

this sounds awkwardly familiar to the one or two major decisions i’ve made lately. which is which is more important, i really can’t tell. for the matters close to the heart, i eventually chose to follow my heart and to let emotions take control of me instead of the usual rationality. no one can give you a verdict that you’re right or wrong. but people can bitch/gossip/think, we can’t control. and many times even when you tell yourself ignore them, what they say still end up hurting you. for so long, i still can’t quite find a right balance.

*shake those bad emotions away* and start rolling. (: