summer fades to fall

sometimes we’re blinded. even when we’re young.

The choices we make when we're young doesn't define who we are, it is all just a contribution to the person we are becoming.

And I believe that status & labels are distracting. And it often distracts us from the actual situation by making us forget how we actually feel about it.

I want to be a girl who has much doubt as she has certainty. And I want to share it with someone who wants to explore it with me. To change each other's mind, have fun and not be scared.

On the other hand, I guess I was so hurt by certain things that I'm deleting them out of my psychological system. It's so funny how i'm deliberately skipping past the lines, missing the words, and pushing thoughts out of my mind.

Man, what would Freud say about that?

It's been such a draining week. physically draining that i've suddenly been so busy but also mentally draining from the endless train of thoughts that never seizes to disappear. but despite that, i still find myself struggling to sleep. or rather sleeping with a mind at ease. It's not exactly the most comfortable feeling to have your mind constantly thinking even as you rest. damn you insomnia.

In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. some we wish we could re-play a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are, so just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you’re going.

Before I end, here's some shoutouts and taglines specially for the certain individuals. Decide which is yours. Even if you dont think it's for you, some, you'll fnd them true. You be the judge.

• She’s strong because she knows what it’s like to be weak. She keeps her guard up because she knows what it’s like to cry herself to sleep.
  
  
• It matters when I dont matter.
  
  
• So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it, if it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
  
  
• Stop having set “qualifications” for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Being a lover is not a fucking job, and you’re not hiring a fucking employee. and yes, they will make mistakes. Yes, they will be different from what you expected. They’re human, and they have no fucking clue what they’re doing. But they love you, and they love every minute of you. So please, give them a chance.
  
  
• I have this spot in my heart where I hold everything I’ve ever felt from you. Pain, joy, tears, laughter, jealousy, utter dependence – everything. It may be concealed under new memories, joys, and loves, but there’s no doubt it’s there.
  
  
• I think we all miss somebody we shouldn’t be missing for reasons we shouldn’t be missing them for. For all the wrong reasons, and nothing more.
  
  
• It's just that I didn’t want to be somebody’s crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.
  

Till soon. Take care everyone.

Love. N.