Friends with benefits

2.38AM. Hello earthlings who's still awake at this hour. I just needed to vent. I'll consider work as fun all along, it gets pretty tiring at times, but thats part and parcel of the jobscope I suppose. Feel kinda plastic when I'm not in the mood to smile greet and thank but I just had to force myself to do it. You know when you have to come to terms with dealing with people you dont wanna think about. Oh wells...

Went to SNB this morning to collect my cert. 139 bus route is just super retarded. plus the weather wasnt helping when im frigging hungry and my head's spinning crazy. Had Seoul Garden for lunch thereafter with Fidah, Dham and Zi and we sat there for hours just eating and talking. Yeah same old thing, but it never fail to amaze me how i dont get bored with them. Anyway, I've realised things are getting pretty crazy with our sidelines of social life. just take me for example. My life revovles around complications, revolves around complicated people; who needs much attention- just like how they classified them. You see me put on that smile everyday, but whats behind that smile, the hidden tears and frustrations. Tears and frustrations that I only let out to some. and im thankful that Superman still have time to hear my random nonsense ramblings/venting although he's super busy and all. I give credits when it's due and you know who you are (; I'm also glad that I've pulled through so much in just these couple of weeks alone. Praises to the Almighty!

In contradictory, Firdaus has been texting/talking to me since a week ago. I have no freaking idea what I've fallen into. It's like a trap or something? I really got no clue. This friends-with-benefits kinda situation is driving me to the brim of insanity. am i in any position to even hold that rights? you only had trainings in your schedule a couple of weeks ago but now you've got work in addition too. and just by telling me that one sentence, it explains everything I needed to know. Well, thanks. You told me that everyone needed to feel appreciated. so now, I needed that from you. So please.... urgh. we're not putting hopes to anything in the near future, but im not some doll you can toy around either. im very vulnerable when it comes to matters of the heart. i told you so. and I wont say it freely if it doesnt mean a thing. fill in the blanks please.

you know what? at the end of the day, i still hold firmly to my principles; to what I believe. people come to me for advice and they fall for me in the process. na`ah. totally not the right move. once bitten, twice shy. Think before approaching. or when on the verge, dont jump too soon (:

Vivo after CCAB later. Have a lovely day everyone.

Love, N.