TGIF

yeps! TGIF baby! PFL module starts today. Proper lecture without practicals. Was kinda looking forward to it actually. Anyways, it was horrifying to find out that NAPFA pre-test is in two weeks time. YESSS. all six stations. oh no.

Anyways, after Pharm lecture, we had to sit in for some award presentation. Congratulations to all those who made it to the Director's List last semester. It's the first that the School of Health Sciences are giving recognition to those who have done extremely well during the mid semester. They are the top 10 percent in the cohort. Their prestigious moment. A piece of paper that potraits academic excellence. It'll be an advantage for work application or university application in the future. That boost my own self esteem and motivation to do well. I told myself I shall be the first malay student to be on that Director's List. Insyallah. I want to do well and make Mummy and Daddy proud. I want to do well, to prove people that I can excel (just like them). I know there isnt any point just saying. it comes with sacrifices and hard work and effort. Way to go Nin. This is your dream. Your aspiration. Your future :) Just how long can this self motivation last? hmmm.

The next portion of this entry is going to be my raw thoughts. Along the way if you think it doesnt concern you, you may want to just skip the rest.

I've been thinking about certain friends and the kinds of friendship I have with each of them. Afterall, no two people are the same, so no two friendships are created equal. And it's true that there are certain people that I expect/demand more from in comparison to others. Maybe in a way, it's a certain higher quality friendship we share and when you reach a certain benchmark, the expectations change with the higher status. Sometimes I wonder if that is even fair practice to the other person.

Does me , somehow loving them more only make things harder for them? Is it an honour to be loved more or a curse?

I know all of us place people on some list of priority in our heart. That's why I have best friends, good friends, just friends and "people I know." And the role I play or expect them to play vary based on which rank they fall into. In the end, I really wish that I didn't do this, that I could help from doing this. My time and your time is precious, so face it that we all utilize it the way we deem most "worthwhile."

That means, seeing certain people over another. That means, calling someone back before another. That means, thinking of someone before someone else. I don't know. Just something I was thinking about when considering what my plans were going to be for the coming weekends. Sometimes, I feel like all we're doing is running and hiding. Running away from the things that we don't know, running from the things that we do know and don't like. Hiding from the things that scare us. Hiding from the ones that love us.

I was talking to a friend earlier and I told her, there are consequences for every action and every non-action. Not every question in life will be paired with an answer. And not every answer will be one that you are comfortable with. If you choose to open the flood gates, then be prepared for the flood.

Now, maybe it's time that I stop running and just stand still and let it hit me, good or bad. Just because we all need to move on. And we all know moving on sometimes requires you to open some old wounds.

Anyways, my bro-sis relationship with Khai turns fifty months today.

I dont care what others have got to say. I dont care if they are jealous. It's been a long journey. and if one fine day, when we have to eventually part, deep down im more than just thankful and blessed to have known him. to have shared with him all the tears, shites, sorrows, happiness and whatever that comes with it.

I think everyone should have a best brother,
just like I do.
Richly blessed is what I am,
to have a brother like you (:

For simply being you,
for being there always even if physical presence was impossible,
for trusting me,
for tolerating my sporadic bouts of madness(?),
for making me laugh about the smallest things,
for holding on despite everything.
You've made me the happiest and luckiest girl.

♥ Happy 50th month to us. Let it last as long as we want it to be. =)

I will be busy with school, projects and revisions in the upcoming weeks. band rehersals too. I miss my friends, I really really do. Be it the best ones or the ordinary ones. Not forgetting, those I acknowledge as brothers and sisters, I love all of you too.

With much love, Nin.