two pence worth ♥

happy hour after midnight (:

2012-01-30T02:47:00.000+08:00

Singing our hearts out at the backseat. Night like this when we talk about rounding Europe. what more can I say? Loving it! May come fast please! ((:

in loving memory...

2012-01-25T16:02:00.001+08:00

I think life should be about touching the lives of people around us. Making a difference. Accepting people for who they are, going out of our way to help others, and loving with all that we’ve got. Sometimes all it takes is one simple gesture, and we can put a smile on someone’s face and make them feel less alone. That is what we should live for, because when we’re gone from this world, we can’t take anything with us. All that’s left are the people whose lives you touched, and the difference you’ve made while you were here. So make this life count, because you don’t get a second chance.

My late uncle was a strong, brave and loving man. He was only forty-seven.

Sunday, 22nd January 2012 1512h
He left his beloved wife, his three adorable (still so young) kids behind, his elder daughter, and seven other living siblings- with lotsa love and memories, to meet God. Everything happened too fast, and yes, there was no second chance.

Please make do`a for him. thanks.
Al-Fatiha.

FINALLY!

2012-01-19T16:13:00.000+08:00

Wohooooo! can't wait!!! :D

But first, I've gotta clear my night shift for this roster. One more night to go before happening weekends!

Ciao!

Titanic;

2012-01-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

3rd of Jan; with my favourite girls and here's to our artsy farty trip.

Apparently, we were not allowed to take photos inside the exhibition. thus, the lack of photos. Managed to sneak snap photos from the iphone though. Anyway, I kinda like the last photo. was a quick shot. cause apparently we were rushing off to meet the others and free supper from the doctor. It was a nice evening and a good kick start to 2012 definitely.

strike the vein!

2012-01-15T02:11:00.001+08:00

That satisfying moment when you get to see the backflow. and i was forced by YJ to use a freaking needle instead of the usual "butterfly". success! Hahaha... it was basically slacking day at work. go round setting plug and blood sucking. Sing songs with my ah-mas and dance the hours away. it's true when they say, nothing else matters when you know you are the reason why people smile. it just feels good both inside and out. :)

Had supper with the guys and tang tea. It is indeed true that vanue does not matter as long as you have right company. As you grow older, I realize it is increasingly harder to find time and energy to meet up with people you really do care about but I am glad that most of my friendships can endure the test of time. Alhamdulillah.

Okay. Apparently im PBG-ing right now. my attempt to blog often seems to be progressing quite well. Haha. Oh. I need to head to town later and im gonna drag someone along with me.

I feel like having ice cream now. random. but true. wanted to just now but was still feeling full. okay that kinda rhyme.

Lets try doodle on something else now shall we? I feel like posting random pictures. okay bye.

Love, N.

on the couch

2012-01-13T23:33:00.001+08:00

Okay when twitter has reached it's limits and there's a lil bit more to say and when I'm too tired to even switch the laptop on or go to the desktop downstairs, I'm lying here on my bed attempting to type this out via my iPhone.I've been working 5 straight days. Chronic afternoons till this morning. Knock off the moment I got home. Was suppose to be heading the bookstores to pick up some assessment books and prepare for upcoming tuition lessons, but I was THAT tired to even have my butt off the bed :/ I've got another afternoon back at the hospital grounds tmrow and I almost can't believe that I (kind of) submit myself to be on stand by for running night shifts at A&E. Prolly upcoming weeks or so. Not too sure what I got myself into. But I shall give it a shot.I should be fine to tie down till Sunday. Staffing sounds awesomely crazy for afternoon cm w/o any blues of course.

Alright nuff bout work for now.Well, it's been said and now I'm doing it. It's about time I leave things alone and maybe... just maybe. you would miss me too. We'll then determine how significant one party is to another. Do it right my dear. We are not getting any younger.

It's mid month already everyone.
Please take care (;

Love, N.

twenty twelve

2012-01-10T01:37:00.001+08:00

Well... hello there. I've kinda moved to somewhere else. Ask me and I would probably tell you. The heart still feels heavy though. I might just move in back here. I wanted to copy paste the whole entry but I decided that it'll be pointless cause I would need to filter bits and pieces, here and there. I hope everyone's been good this new year.

SHQS photoshoot cm. I dont even know what im in for. We'll see.

Do stay healthy! I'll be back soon.

Love, N.

beautiful sunday

2011-12-11T23:06:00.001+08:00

I watched Like Crazy over the weekend expecting to completely bawl my eyes out, but I actually didn’t. Still, the reality of it manages to leave you both hopeful and hopeless — I would say somewhere in between Blue Valentine and 500 days of summer, but repeats the same concept both of those movies hold, as in the longer you love (despite all the hardships), the harder it is to let go.

Well, well... It's been awhile since I last typed something insightful and deep here. My two weeks leave is ending in less than 24 hours or so. I've been good rotting at home and when I went back to work late afternoon today, they commented I look fresh and pretty. Probably, partly due to the make up that was on me. ouh... and yes. I had the most awesomest Sunday afternoon too. Something that will linger for quite some time. My sorta perfect way of "the moment". Shall not go into details here. Please take care lovelies!

Much love, N.

Set fire to the rain

2011-12-09T21:40:00.001+08:00

I could spend my whole day listening to her songs on replay.

But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say, they were never true, never true
And the games you play, you would always win, always win

But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

When laying with you
I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and me together, nothing is better

battle scars

2011-11-24T00:48:00.000+08:00

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”

Truth.

I'm just waiting for the day. It's no where near now, but I still believe that this day will come, some day. Maybe then all the irritation will leave me.
Will it be the day I don't give two flying f*** what happens anymore? Perhaps it would mean I'm out of its grasp, free to act as I please at last.

Battle scars ruin me.

I've been wondering again, what it would feel like to be sincerely, truthfully and honestly- loved by you.

2011-10-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

Mohd Hamsin Nashrudin, I'm very much disappointed with you. (I know you read in here, I dont care when, but I freaking hope you do come across this entry one day) Honestly, I feel fucking terrible. Of all people, I expected you to pick up the signs. but no. you were busy catering to your own needs and fantasies, whatever u call it. Who am I to intrude?

I'm in the anger phase right now, since I seemed to have skipped past it a month ago. But I'm pissed at a lot of things especially being asked to do things when I don't want to. Maybe I'm angry at everything.

I know it's been dusty in here. Im gonna revive and revamp this space soon.

Feeling very friendless right now, but that's probably not far from the truth.
Thinking about that topic makes me feel a hundred more times more betrayed than I was when I started typing this entry.

Thank you, fate.

2011-07-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

When those tears fall,

When the tears which are filled with regret and remorse,

When the raising of your hands doesn't mean you lose,

When you know just what is it you haven't been doing right....

When you know it's Him you've been missing.

2011-07-06T23:15:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah, a good start to July. I am still having fond memories of my post night off last week :) Maybe becuase that night shift call was really bad and the past two weeks I'd spent in a state of constant lethargy and intermittent nausea. Emotionally, Im intact...I think!
Lets not say it went according to plan... but i still had a lovely evening. After he made me wait for hours, he wont let me pay a cent through the evening :) We had a good hearty-overloaded- meal :)

I've watched (that super chic flick movie) Monte Carlo which Yan claimed good rating. Apart from getting to see the city of love- Paris and cute guys on screen, the story line is just a so so. I need to watch a REAL solid movie next. I WANT and NEED to watch Transformers soon! ARGHH. In view of my shitty schedule, I shall decide to catch it tmrow evening or otherwise.
-----

Okay I've long decided that I can get what I want with enough effort put in. At the same time, I must learn not to bring hopes up! Cynicism does have its own value but I fail at sustaining it. Hurhur. the teet teet Tuesday Starbucks episode is still lingering at the back of my mind.

ARGHHHHH. I'm so sleepy but the eyes just wont shut. Was on the phone a moment ago and he thinks I should complete my chapter of Sparks; at first sight. Well, I think I need Hb transfusion -.-" wait. probably muscle relaxants would do. GA will provide very good sleep. Dont you think?

Apnea

2011-06-29T11:05:00.002+08:00

I figured out why I couldn't sleep those couple of days. It was the darned bubble tea. OMG I don't know why it took me until this morning to figure it out but the tea wasn't an iceblend but REAL tea was involved hence the dull headache I was carrying around coupled with the inability to sleep. Kill me now. Oh. on a side note, Hannah should be proud of me cause I add in AI-YU yesterday instead of pearls.

I was still sore about her/them insisting to go for the dinner treat on Thurs. without me- when suddenly the phone rang. H called and as usual I rambled on. He's bringing me for lunch or dinner (depending on the time he book out) on Friday instead. He's not gonna make me think so, he volunteered to decide the dine-in place. Hopefully somewhere with good desserts. Still, that wont make up for it. I want kinder and malteasers too.

I'm feeling too mellow. Something is not right. There is utterly no sense of release. Or euphoria. Or escapism.

I need my voice back so I can sing again. Even if I'm the only person who is entertained by it.

My nose is bugging me. URGHH.

On double night shift starting tonight. I feel apneic at that thought. and working roster sucks this time round. Patiently waiting for 3rd week of JULY! I need an escape!

2011-06-28T23:40:00.003+08:00

I have been trying to expand more energy than i consume. and shopping alot.

stay alive, space.

2011-06-21T00:00:00.001+08:00

Photoshoot. photoshoot. photoshoot. photoshoot!

words unspoken

2011-06-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

I know a lot of people know who he is, but I also know there are not that many who got to see the side of the guy that I did. And that guy, well, I’ll never forget him. Not ever. I’ve learned so much about life and emotion from knowing him and I wouldn’t change a thing about it. Include the beginning, now and the future ending. Your heart needs to go through some bumps once in a while- to know better. Besides, he has made a monumental impact on me and on my life in these past few years. I know no matter how many years go by, my stomach will always do a little flip whenever I see that face. that smile. (:

Bennie and the Jets.

2011-06-13T20:43:00.000+08:00

The only thing that is constant in our life is change. As we get older, our taste for things changes, the way we are wired changes and so does our perception of life. We cannot escape from change and neither can we hide from it. We just have to submit to it and adapt. On the brighter side, change let you literally breathe in fresh air because things get revamped, rotated, deplaned.

I slept with a lot of shitloads at the back of my mind. Someone needed me at a quarter past one but I chose to let it slip. My Monday just got worse with the VAC party at work.

Oh well, do have a good rest of the week ahead everyone.

Abang's Birthday Surprise

2011-06-10T21:45:00.005+08:00

overdue entry;
4th JUNE 2011

The party began even before the birthday boy arrives.

the food is to die for. no kidding.

top favourites for the day:

pizza, briyani rice set, ARNOLDS chicken,

caramel eclairs and caramel puffs,

salad, ROCA buttercrunch.

sedaaaaps okay!

okay the standby-s

the popper boys

the surprise

there goes. (yang lain tumpang birthday sekali)

family love!

I've always mention that im not as close to the cousins on mummy's side as compared to Daddy's side. Amazing how much stronger the bond has been since a hundered (plus) days ago. Nenek would really be proud of all of us. I kinda miss her now that im typing this :(

Abang's birthday surprise was definitely a success. Thanks Natalia for the help too. I've done so many surprises for friends before, but this, I would admit, first time such surprises for family. it's just different. a good kinda different.

Anyway, more gatherings to come soon. rest assured. Hazman and I were already thinking to plan NZ trip next year. If not, San Frans would do. Let's make it happen :D

P/s: Now I miss cousins on Daddy's side :( I wonder when our weekly midnight picnic gonna resume. Hmmm...

sunset with you

2011-06-07T14:05:00.000+08:00

Overdue snaps taken at Keppel Bay on 22nd May. The tryout shots with the sunset there was simply awesome! Can we scream our hearts out again singing My Love and drive through that long stretch of road which literally feel like we are out of SG?

Overseas from coast to coast,
to find the place I love the most...

I NEED to go there again SOON!

Picture perfect memories

2011-06-06T01:15:00.000+08:00

Suppose I never ever met you

Suppose I never ever saw you

Suppose you never ever called

Suppose I kept on singing love songs

Suppose I'd never fall in l♥ve.

Kinder Bueno & Malteasers

Hugs & Kisses,

Goodnight (;

2011-06-04T23:06:00.000+08:00

point of return

2011-05-30T17:41:00.005+08:00

was having an afternoon nap when I needed to wake up, but since my dreams were going in a whole new direction and was rather exciting, I decided to hang around a little more in the dream state. BAD IDEA. VERY BAD IDEA. It was so sneaky, luring me in with all these small acts of coincidences. Making me all intrigued. When all of a sudden this small little girl popped out of nowhere and FREAKING FELL DOWN THE ESCALATOR?! Like what??? Totally time to wake up. After I made someone call the ambulance of course.

So it got me to thinking if all these are just indicators of how screwed up my mind is? haha. But then again, that might not be true since some people dream of worse things then me. But still...

My throat really hurts. And according to my future doctor_ (ahem ahem!), I remember that I should eat ice cream. So that's what I am going to do.

P/s: I think im gonna give today's jamming a miss :( So sorry guys.

And to whom this may concern:
Im sorry bout this whole avoiding sh*t. I think it's really ridiculous and thus, I am NOT giving my blessings. NOT for now atleast. I've got to figure out how to trust you in the near future. that's not a priority right now though. I've got better things to think of. Have a safe trip nonetheless.

and when you march, the whole world stops and stare for a while...

2011-05-29T19:21:00.002+08:00

Cause you're amazing,

just the way you are.

Felt like it was only yesterday that I sat in Singapore Conference Hall for your graduation. and two days back I finally stepped into Home Team Academy, sitting at the grand stand proudly seeing you marched off for your passing out parade.

I must admit that I still miss doing the most random things back then, eating ice cream, walking around town aimlessly with you. talking about anything and everything under the sun. haha. Now that we've all grown up, working and having more serious life commitments(whatever that maybe), there isn't any more time left for all these 'things' I guess. We are not young anymore, shouldn't be crying, shouldn't be eating ice-cream and shouldn't be wasting time like that.

That said, I just wanna say I am very thankful and blessed for whatever we still have and still share now. For that, thank you! (: Well, let me say this again, I am proud of you, has always been. Congrats once again and all the best for your new posting, although I know it's gonna be like another dreading extension of 3 months over at HTA. You WILL do your best! I'm 8 numbers and a twitter away!

<3

22. Hearts & Flowers

2011-05-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

24th May 2011.
Happy Birthday my dear Siti Rafidah :) Apart from all the wonderful past or upcoming celebration(s), it's about time we start to ponder over the significance of turning a year older. Being an adult is not going to be easy. From now on, at least for myself too, I know I have to be responsible for my own actions and my life. No one to blame, no one to rely, no one to shelter. Its just me us against the world.

2011-05-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st Pauline!

May all your dreams come true and may happy memories return. Congratulations too. Gonna be a full-fledged nurse officially when you take the oath on Tuesday.
Happy graduation missy! See you at hospital grounds pretty soon (:

This. never. gets. old.

2011-05-17T13:19:00.001+08:00

I am back :)

Too much to say right now. What's important, though:

Love is still around,

Apology accepted, let's not soil the cloth.

It's a new chapter, concentrate on what is and not on what was.

Updates on the KL trip soon. I've got to go iron my uniform. It's PH today and I'm back working on double night shift after a long weekend. Well it's okay as long as the *kachingss kachingss* flow in.

Alright ciao!

2011-05-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes my mind wanders and my thoughts always seem to come back to you. I don’t know why. I’m happy it does though. It’s like I’m with you all the time. And whenever I think about how wonderful you are, it makes me smile.

It's gonna be okay. right?

it doesn't take a scientist to figure me out

2011-05-04T00:30:00.000+08:00

1) the colour of the sky when it's 6:50am
2) the smell of coffee
3) receiving an 'i miss you' text
4) good mornings
5) mummy taking note of my favourite soup spoon
6) waking up on time
7) to love
8) to be loved
9) smelling like strawberries after shower
10) superman and elmo
11) green tea
12) oat milk and honeygold cornflakes
13) hearing a love song on radio
14) watching Glee, Gossip Girl, HIMYM
15) laughing

uneditted Ver.01; sunsets

2011-05-02T16:49:00.001+08:00

Note to self:
Pictures will be tagged under Nin.F. web album;
when the sunsets.

2011-05-01T00:23:00.000+08:00

Earlier today I mentioned to Doctor Zuhairy I cannot stand people who make grammar mistakes. Especially when they blame it on carelessness. How can it be carelessness when it's as obvious as this:

"today when i walking to the hospital, there are this one boy with much hair that coloring is blonde."

Doesn't that entire sentence just send shivers down your spine and cause a gazillion question marks to appear in your brain? Zomg, I really cannot digest that kind of English. Mine is nowhere near perfect, I admit. But someone who types or speaks that way deserve to be smacked back to reality. This feeling is unexplainable. But it sure as hell upsets me. Hmph.

Speaking of which, was offered to tutor english again. but I guess Im gonna give it a pass. My schedule is totally packed at hand. Anyone out there interested, do contact me. preferably, staying in the east. Thanks!

2011-04-30T00:23:00.002+08:00

2011-04-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

You know, sometimes I think you don't know what you want. So you go back and forth because you have no bloody idea what is it you want to stick with. And that's okay, it's pretty normal actually. Somedays we forget what we want, what we've wanted for a long time.

What frustrates me though, is that you deny it.
and. as if that wasnt bad enough, you lied.

2011-04-20T00:23:00.000+08:00

It's going to be tough, Nin. It is. But you've got to keep yourself together and stand firm. You've got believe because otherwise all your dreams will keep moving further away from you. You have the rest of your life ahead of you, so what are you waiting for? It's going to be difficult. Who said it was going to be easy anyway? Suck it up.

Audit madness is over BUT the aftermath and side effects of it are still lingering. Staffs falling sick and taking MC. while the rest will have to cover for them and over-worked for the the entire week. me included. Appraisal is up next. and I wish to get over it smoothly. the higher athority has converted my contract to local. so I guess that's good news. I wanna go back to school in October. BUT the choice of majoring discipline is still a blur. the dream to be under the wings of Dr. Nawaz and his team make me wanna major in NeuroSurgical so badly. on the other hand, im so comfortable in Orthopaedics for the past year already. totally undecided and i know i dont have much time left.

I will be busy with futsal tournament and trainings this upcoming weeks or so. time to get physical? haha. Nike run is in May and world record breaking dance with edgefield is in July. I so need to get my dates sorted out. really.

I want to catch Lion King musical before it stops showing. I want to take pretty pictures at Keppel Bay too. My snaps portfolio is seriously getting nowhere :(

I could really use a wish right now. I need some laughters this weekend. please?

dont you worry.

2011-04-14T18:09:00.001+08:00

In life, no matter what people say, or what whoever tells you. It's totally out of their opinion. They might have the intention of hurting you, or they might just want to inform you - "As a matter of a fact" kinda thing. Whatever it is, bear in mind that we are 1. We were not created to please everyone. We were not created to be everyone's eye candy. Of course some people might think you look horrible. But, some people might think otherwise.

So my point is. Stop trying to please everyone you meet. Because in the end, you might just lose yourself.

Anyway here, is where it all began.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. Unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for me to accept it sometimes. Being on par with reality and the truth of transience can be pretty tough on some occasions, but change is inevitable and I definitely am powerless to defy what He has in store for me, and the people around me. The ones I love, especially.

What can you do with a sentimental heart?

2011-04-07T20:23:00.002+08:00

Overworked; and sleep deprived. This week is absolutely crazy but efforts will pay off, one way or another. Such momentum is hard to maintain. Hope that I will have enough energy to last through the week and the next too. Halfway through the mock audit and case presentation yesterday, for the first time or rather second since a month back, I felt like omg I kind of really enjoy doing this. Although I'll be zombified and knocking off early every night. but. It's just the togetherness and the effort put in that is not countable for in any way. It's 3.5 days to JCIA. and my dearest miss El-Hannah Ho, please text me if you're back from HK. nobody seems to know that you went out of town. your DAP profile/file needs to be up before Monday arrives!

Stress is inevitable and I am still learning to loosen up a little although it has always been my motivator. Too much of anything is never too good. Anyway, I am so looking forward to Saturday. I have tuition with Ruzaini again and since it's my off day, I wanna take pretty pictures and can we go visit baby Tyler there after? I have so many things in mind right now actually. hehehe.

and I WANT THIS. PRETTY BADLY TOO.

okay.thanks.bye.

2011-04-06T20:04:00.001+08:00

2011-04-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

Still a novice. I need practice on night shots more often. Keppel Bay next please?

I am actually honestly, very very tired. I am tired of turning people down. Males, in this case. No I am not admitting fame or shit like that. It's just that I feel it's about time people know I have feelings too. Seriously. What do you take me as? An easy catch? Please, spare me a thought. When I turn you down, I hurt too. It hurts me as a person, as a girl. Don't try drowning me with guilt because I don't deserve it. Do not think you can come showering me with sugar coated phrases and expect me to fall in your arms. It takes more than that. It takes effort, it takes honesty, and it takes time.

Apart from that,
pretty interesting Saturday.

Enjoy your Sunday babies ♥

say hello to my new toy (:

2011-03-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

I love the way your eyes always meet mine.
I love the way you look.

I love the way you feel.

I love the way you never fail to put a grin on my face.

I love the way you smell.

I love the way you're so sharp.

I love the way you love the way when I touch you.

Canon Eos 1100D, I love you. ♥

Definitely welcoming April with a smile! *cheeeeeeeese* :D

2011-03-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

Someone told me once I admit that I'm jealous, that’s the time I could say that I really do love that person. Jealousy is not a sign of no trust but a sign of possessiveness. A sign that you’re afraid that someone might steal your special someone away from you. It’s not a sign of immaturity, but rather a sign of love.

There are so many things I shouldn't be bothered by... But I am. How do I go around it? How do I make sure I'm more laid back, and not so uptight. Sometimes I think I have had enough, but I question myself what is 'enough'? Who determines what's enough?

Someone tell me, because I can't seem to figure it out.

N.

that vibes

2011-03-27T21:23:00.003+08:00

I still had faith in them when I heard memories. I still believe when I could feel how much effort they had in store. I trusted when I received the thank you. My heart literally sank. From babies, they all grown up now.

What would the result be this season?
4th April and we will all know.

mug it

2011-03-24T16:13:00.001+08:00

18 days to JCIA; international audit. and everybody's going insane by the day. on top of housekeeping matters, renovation and painting works, revision of policies had to be accomplished. everything has got to be at the fingertips.

I totally hate my roster. Nonetheless, for those who believed in me, I'll not disappoint you guys. In no particular order, thank you Fir, Maisara and Finah ♥

Im gonna pull through this. yes I will. InsyaAllah (:

Just Go With It

2011-03-23T16:28:00.001+08:00

Adam and Jennifer totally epic in this one. damn funny. must watch (:

thoughts

2011-03-20T02:28:00.000+08:00

It is what it is. It doesn't have to be anymore than that. Because I wouldn't want it any other way.

Case closed.

matter of time

2011-03-16T03:42:00.002+08:00

The world can be so ironic. Have you ever found yourself at certain moments in your life where you feel there is a need to be absolutely direct; other times you choose to shun away from being direct. I found my answer somewhere in between. I hate to admit, but my instincts and thoughts were true somehow. I want to stop thinking for one day. Thinking kills people. (or their brains for that matter of fact) If you think about it, you start thinking the moment you wake up. Which leg to step down from your bed first? What clothes to wear? What to have for breakfast. I wish i had a robot to help me scan my previous/past thoughts and help me decide. I want to be puppetted around for a day. I don't mind a week.

Sleep now?

I think it's safe to say the boat has sailed. Whatever chance of me forgiving the situation has spirited away, and now all that's left is the grease on the frying pan and undercooked chicken. What a douchebag. Now I know what to expect. I forgive many things, but seriously, this is the final straw. I believe I told a confidante earlier in the month that these situations just deserve a very big "GO SUCK IT!" I just can't believe such people exist, but I should know better than that. And I can do better than that; I deserve better.

Just go suck it. :)

I’m being asphyxiated by your fabrication and umpteen little white lies. It’s time for a gulp of air & kick myself to surface. That’s the only way to save myself.

that. shall serve as a good reminder. and honestly, im not too sure how exactly im gonna say it right to your face (in bold and CAPS). Have'nt quite figure where to get my guts from either. meanwhile, i shall just grab a bag of popcorns and watch the show. have you gotten your tickets too?

Search My Heart

2011-03-10T01:18:00.001+08:00

my mind right now is bubbling a cauldron of things i need to sort out, too many things happening all at once! my feelings are very mixed, kinda like a bag of jelly beans, and right now i'm trying to pick out the nice flavours to savor first. but where do i begin? i need to write, desperately.

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
...

A mess of adjectives that dont mean a thing, romance or dare i say... love?

"Honey? We need to talk."

hello march

2011-03-01T01:26:00.003+08:00

I'm absolutely exhausted today. Somehow I'm having memory disturbances. again.

I kinda like how she sings that.

Sleep pattern is still wrecked, and I'm tempted to drug myself out of my misery with antihistamines, except I hate the groggy grasp it has on me in the morning. I don't know what an alcoholic hang over feels like but I assume it's something like what I get with antihistamines in the morning. Where my brain creaks and groans and any thought process requires at least three tries before it initiates.

Im exhausted. Totally cant wait for my mid week off. and then I am not too sure if I'm suppose to be excited about turning 2wenty-2wo. I am having pre-celebration after shift later though (: Wonder whats in store. Upcmoning days are gonna be interesting. I just wanna believe that.

Maybe I should go on a honeymoon on my one week leave. Drag a hapless man, or two, and maybe a woman too, and just decerebrate in a foreign land. We'll eat crap and sleep early everyday. lol.

Okay sleep now?

The goodnights are kinda better these days. lil things like that made me smile to the short hours of sleep. please dont forget the good mornings too. it gives a kick start to my day.

5 hours to go before the alarm goes off. Goodnight love!

the joy of teaching

2011-02-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

a sense of satisfaction. being able to guide and teach as much as you can. to help them, most importantly, you learn, gain the experience. all these not for others but your ownself. yup. that's the joy of teaching.

Exactly a year ago, I was in that uniform, going through what they went through for the past 3 months. exactly a year ago, that was the undescribable feeling i felt having to complete my FINALs. now I'm more than happy for my students, that they have successfully complete those too. congrats all!

{click on picture to enlarge}

...in one way or another they've build my confidence in teaching. just in case you people had no idea, being a nurse is not just about nursing. it's also about grooming oneself to be a better person. with effortless passion, consistently upgrading oneself with knowledge and experience. and (this will serve as a self reminder) in any case my passion leads (strongly evovled) into the education channel, and teaching is one of the option, there's always room to switch, within the nursing career itself. see the flexibility (:

Life's funny

2011-02-27T02:36:00.003+08:00

It’s funny how people can feel happy for a moment, and then unhappy the next. How people can tell each other how much they love each other, how happy they are to have their company, and then the next moment say they are tired of everything and no longer feel loved.

Life’s funny. Why do people expect so much… What ever happened to the little joys in life… Does everything have to involve flowers and gifts? Does everyday have to become a battle to become the perfect somebody?

and it's just funny, how interesting the night has been with all the physical aspects drained, cognitively too, a simple text can turn it around.

Let's have BREAKFAST instead for a change next week. I mean since a couple of us needed (or more like a want) to be at the airport. why not. We can have a post-celebration for me too. what do you say? *hints hints* :D

deep within

2011-02-26T11:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes. i do like to compare myself with other people in my head (repeatedly :/ ) over things that matters a lot to me. and after each session of comparison, what i get is: a even more insecure, demoralized, loser-ish me. and me questioning myself if i ever will be good enough. damn why am i even trying to live under someone else’s shadow. :(
you see the disastrous impact of that. im not that strong as how i sounded to be. just the maybe(s) and perhaps.
these thoughts pop in my head without giving me any sorts of warnings and attack me and I kind of have zero defense against it. ):

just like rapunzel. she struggled with herself as she escapes her confines. it was a moral dilemma between living her dreams and her moral guilt of disobeying her mom. her spasms of guilt and glee, i can so totally relate to.

this sounds awkwardly familiar to the one or two major decisions i’ve made lately. which is which is more important, i really can’t tell. for the matters close to the heart, i eventually chose to follow my heart and to let emotions take control of me instead of the usual rationality. no one can give you a verdict that you’re right or wrong. but people can bitch/gossip/think, we can’t control. and many times even when you tell yourself ignore them, what they say still end up hurting you. for so long, i still can’t quite find a right balance.

*shake those bad emotions away* and start rolling. (:

pocket full of sunshine

2011-02-25T00:05:00.002+08:00

Something struck me and I wanna lay my thoughts stat.

No one has the right to judge us because no one really knows what we have been through. they may have heard about our stories, but they never did once felt what we felt in our hearts.

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you’re a good person and a good friend. What’s meant to be will end up good and what’s not - won’t. In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with.

Like I said before, it's important to be strong, and knowing who you can count on is equally as important. As long as you know what you're doing, honest and sincere, truly for the benefits of others, just leave the rest to work itself. Reality? Well, it bound to happen either ways. Remember, chins up and shine on. I've always got your back.

It's been awhile since the last count; sixty-six today. ♥

P/s: This whole entry may not make sense to most. but who cares. This is MY blog. I say whatever I wanna say. I've got other channels to be more direct with my words (:

Take care everyone.

rhythm of love

2011-02-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

In one of the scenes of No Strings Attached, when Ashton Kutcher say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours, but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers, but text instead of call because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u.” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear to care, but not too much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. There is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. In some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: you are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored? Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal, deliberate, and means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most importantly, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

— Ashton Kutcher

Source: Tumblr.

Anywaaays, I was kinda a lil freaked out discovering that Cathay doesnt have the NETS promotion on weekdays anymore. omo. that shows how long i havent been patronizing the theatres. Thank god for my union card. I still save a dollar. Phew. ouh, and the only reason why Plain White T's Rhythm Of Love is playing on my blog is simply because, I cant freaking get it out of my head since the credits started rolling. I never really get hooked the first time I heard this song when someone posted it on FB. but I wonder why now.

In summary, today is just pretty random. Went all the way to Buona Vista to purchase my backdated O'level statement. dont ask. For a piece of paper, that cost me 10 bucks. Lunched at SP FC4. movie and then walked around the (dead) town.

I'm beat right now. and suddenly feel so sick. My long working hours through the weekends and weekdays start in less than 8 hrs time. My next OFF day is MID next week. O.o I should really sleeep now. Sigh.

a peaceful one

2011-02-20T17:01:00.003+08:00

Her departure left deep impact in all our hearts.

My feet took heavy steps, one at a time, reluctant to leave her side, just like my mom and her sisters, my brothers and uncles, cousins and all my other relatives. I paused for a while and felt the cool breeze blowing across my face with my eyes closed. Her love was definitely like the wind- i can't see it but i can definitely feel it. The roar of the engines of fighterjets suddenly came rolling in the midst of the serenity. I looked up and saw three of them flying across the bright blue sky. And there i knew every thing was all right. It was as if they accompanied him to the very last, like a kinda salutation in honour of the woman i love so dearly.

We were having lunch together before I salam her the very last time and head to work. The picture on the left was taken approximately 2 hours before she went away peacefully in her sleep. Who would know this was the last.

She saw me grew up. She fed me. She took care of me when I was still running around in diapers.
Nenek, is this woman. The best. The most zawezomes. Always and forever.

Thursday, 17th February 2011 1800h
She left
her beloved siblings both in and out of spore,
8 living children
27 grandchildren
7 great-grandchildren
with lotsa love and memories, to meet God and her husband whom she dearly missed.

Ina sayang Nenek.
(nope, i didnt mis-spelled my name. she calls me that)

P/s: To those who were there be it physically or spiritually, thank you so so much.

I've got your back (:

2011-02-16T00:50:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt like, you're way past things in life and that you've moved on and all you can provide now is just smiles behind your computer screen? I have always been very approving of people chasing their dreams. and when you actually see it happen, it's just so, satisfying. Even as a friend. More than just an ordinary friend. Or probably a friend who used to be. I was reading my OD archives earlier on and I recall times when you told me about your dreams and how you wanted to do this and wanted to do that and im glad that they came/coming true. Im happy for you and proud of you given the matter of fact. I have been proud of a few people the past few months. It doesn't take much to be proud of someone (esp you). Things like, changing your opinion in life for the better, achieving something you've long wanted to do. Life can be perfect even watching things from a perspective. I kind of love the feeling when I hear good stuffs about you. even when it comes from a stranger. Someone I never met before. Then you will here me saying, whats new. Hehs.

It's times like these when im reassured that, my happiness will always have to rely on someone else's. Happiness is not something you can fight for. It only comes when you fight for someone else's happiness.

I have been happy lately.

no strings attached

2011-02-13T03:15:00.005+08:00

Frigging tired.

I think, in the end, you love the people who bother to spend time with you. Whether it's due to pure desperation from one party or both, or just simple companionship. I miss the old days when feelings were less complicated.

Last night was semi-fun. I kinda self entertained. Ended work a lil late. I glared at my JCI notes and felt somewhat jealous that they could do that, while I sat at my desk convincing myself to read just a few more pages before meeting the girls at FC and then the usuals. Late night drive outs, regardless of the destination, always make my day. I have decided that the priority still remains. Besides that, a person whom I've begun to cherish alot finally contacted me and yay. :) I could hear Katy Perry's 'firework' so loud at midnight yesterday I was chuckling to myself at the insanity of the world. And just a moment ago I received another nice text and that was enough to make me happy. Sugar dreams to you there.

Let's see how long this will last. I can wait forever. Forever is just time better spent on other more pressing issues; while waiting, I will be doing things I'd rather do. And then, when the moment finally comes, I will have a great comeback line, and oscar winning music will be played elegantly, setting the mood. Forever gives me time to compose the perfect concerto, though I think a waltz would be more fitting. And we'd be dressed for the Baroque. Can't you imagine? I'd twirl, joyfully, with my person, and you, with yours! And in between, I'd think how good it is that you're with yours, and I'm with mine. Perhaps, with a flat F# key I'll find it in me to push and prod the arpeggios into your bar, and that single high G will be waiting for me to take.

I hope that made sense. Days of late, I've come to realise somethings and I dont feel adequately special in your life anymore, but still, it didnt matter. Not that I need to. Dont get me wrong. Mutual state of trust? Well, atleast I know, or rather I want to believe that I'm still that same someone whom you said was dear to you. and here I quote, it takes two to tango (: I love you as it is now.

Hazman is entering this Book Review Contest. Kak Idah positively thinks that we both (me and him) should go ahead with it. Hmmm... should I? It's kind of comforting to know that I can find this common interest with cousins from mumsy's side. The love for writting! I'll think about it again.

I told Khai I wanna watch Black Swan this weekend. looks like time does'nt permit eh :( I think I will end up watching Syaa's DVD instead. Anywaaaaays, on a positve note, OFF for the next two days! Now, that sounded so luxurious, esp after working so hard for the past week; both clearance of CNY and post CNY workload. Happy Sunday everyone!

colour equations

2011-02-11T00:13:00.001+08:00

Nice furniture shops are just so surreal. The one I stepped into today just gave me way too many visions of what I want my future house to be like. I know I want some pretty cushions.
I'm becoming banal.

Thursday see me reading chapters of Jodi works, singing to Glee, giggle and laughters from watching HIMYM. A drive out; IKEA trip with Fidah and after that MEE KUAH and rojak at my favourite S11 stall. Such an ideal off day (:

Okay. It's gonna be a long day later. sleep now? or atleast try to.

Six degrees

2011-02-09T23:52:00.002+08:00

So after a few weeks, I learned that Yoga HURTS. Not the contortiony type of hurting--(though that definitely exists) but the muscle burning, I just lifted 10 pounds kind of hurt.

And baby, I feel hella good.

I seriously cant get enough of Jodi's beautiful word masterpiece. Change Of Heart really got me moving. Im halfway through it. Had to give it a break cause adek has school tmrow and she needs to get her beauty sleep, which simply means that I need to switch off the lights.

Oh well, so I've decided to doodle the usual stuffs online instead. daily dosage of youtube, FB, tumblr and whatsnot. I havent done anything wow for the entire day either. Woke up with half the day gone. having breakfast at twelve. catching up on the Glee and Gossip Girl episodes. Afterwhich, early dinner of Orleans baked rice and vent out session with Hannah.

That brings me to the next point. Due of the next appraisal. which is just around the corner. those crucial vibes will start settling in soon. we'll be working/studying so hard for JCIA audits. sit in for appraisal. clerk in the perfomance bonus. *kachings$s* and tadaa, I'll be credited with the accomplishment of one year old; since career life began. time flies huh. Next, I will have to figure out what to be specialised in. Ortho? Med/Surg? or Neuro? the first is definitely the easiest, the last being the most challenging. but if ever I get into Neuro, it'll be like a wow. I always have this respect for Dr. Nawaz and his team. just like how YJ has a thing for Dr. J.Park and his Uro team. I'm still quite undecided on that though. What im pretty sure is, to end up graduating with a degree at La Trobe University. be it abroad or locally. it has always been a dream- that one fine day will come true. InsyaAllah.
---

OMG. I really want to watch Black Swan! :( Rather disappointed that CathayDTE isnt showing it. where on earth am I gonna find the time to patronised other theaters?! on a more positive note, I'm looking forward to the 19th of this month. YAY!

over a good cuppa coffee or tea

2011-02-09T01:05:00.001+08:00

P/s: To pause the current music playing, scroll all the way down.

TRAIN - Marry Me

Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I’ve had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won’t let them see
But there’s one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I’ll wear out the words I love
And you’re beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You’ll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

nilbymouth

2011-02-07T01:19:00.004+08:00

Doing absolutely nothing of fruit today gave me an epiphany, of sorts. I'm sure I've had one of similar sentiments before, but... trusting a person to not lie, is not the same as trusting a person to not hurt you. This is what spending my sunday afternoon watching Mean Girls, Conviction, and Grey's anatomy, etc has caused. Afterwhich I practically slept through the entire evening. Bento set with the girls at FC and then pizza with family back home.

It'll be Monday-madness again in less than 12 hours. The working transition from full orthopaedics team to a half GS is going to be painful. plus I foresee we have to clear all the post-CNY workload. In no time, all my patients will be scheduled for procedure. and BMU just loves three-six huh? Sigh.

Well I think I have issues. Some people just take no action, or move so slowly. I can't stand that. things that are left to fester, turn necrotic. If you saucerize an abscess, you're left with a big fat hole, but with the right vac-dressing, it won't kill you. If you treat with antibiotics, you won't die from sepsis. If you leave it alone, however... you get septicemia, osteomyelitis, possibly necrotizing fasciitis, and most likely death. So, just nip the problem in the bud! What's so hard about that? Why don't you want to treat a simple problem, and not allow it to progress into a fatal entity? Urgh. Not to mention, smelly. DM feet really are one of the grossest things I've ever smelled. If you can't find a way to solve the problem, ask for permission, and amputate the limb. Sure the patient will experience phantom pain and be extremely inconvenienced, but at least he's not DYING. If he wants to die then yes, I can't operate on him (technically I can, I just have to call psych), but I'd rather he go fast than slowly. There is no beauty in a slow death.
---

Okay I guess that's about it for now. gonna peel the facial mask off my face, read a chapter or two of Jodi Picoult; Change of Heart. and then I shall turn in. Goodnight folks!

like lemondrops

2011-02-05T00:43:00.000+08:00

Lately, I have brought myself to truly believe that just being in the moment and being happy is honestly good enough. And i did. I did really believe that I was happy and not think about the (so called) future. But, well, i guess people still do have slips sometimes. I'm sorry I feel this way. I know i really shouldnt. Maybe I should try to stay away from people who even brought about all these thoughts.

My heart's not in the same postal code as my body is in, that's all I can say. I don't know where my head's at. Probably the lack of sleep getting to me.

Have you ever had that moment, where your laying in bed and you couldn’t go to sleep because there’s that one person that’s running through your mind? You’re helplessly smiling, because your love for this person is just enough to make you happy. You reminisce all the moments with this person, even if it was just a text message. I bet you had someone in mind, when you read this.

Hehehe. Tell me how long have I known you not to know this? *grins*

:)

mini-ramble

2011-02-03T02:49:00.002+08:00

Macchiato- meaning to mark or stain in Italian.

Today, I learned something new that is not found in your typical medical textbook. A caffe macchiato means a shot of espresso stained with a teaspoon of milk. A latte macchiato refers to steamed milk served with a 1/2 shot or less amount of espresso. A Nescafe 3-in-1, although so popular in the market nowadays- it is no where near the orgasmic delight of a properly brewed cuppa coffee.

Foamed milk drizzled with caramel sauce ♥

Did you know, the foamed milk on top of your coffee was used by baristas to indicate to the serving waiters that the beverage had a little bit of milk in it as opposed to an espresso without milk? Hence the expression "marked" or "stained". I don't know about Starbuck's exact recipe but a simple way for homemade macchiato is to mix vanilla syrup with 1/2 cup of steamed milk, add foamed milk to the top and pour through another 1/2 cup of espresso (1:1 ratio). If you are using a transparent mug, you should be able to see two separate layers. Decorate the surface with caramel sauce. Coffee art is easier with caramel drawings compared to working with foam. Some people go for the circular swirly pattern, some do it like a curvy snake. Draw a heart for a loved one or a star for yourself. You can also play tic-tac-toe if you're bored.
---
Oof, I have headache.

It's Wedesday after midnight. technically it's Thursday and I just got back from a dose of Caramel Macchiato and catch up with the boys at Starbucks. Havent seen some of them for quite sometime. Thanks guys! I needed that so much especially after one whole day of undesired circumstances at work. dramatic much. oh boy, the -ve indicator has up-ed itself one level.

Anyways, in a short span of a grande, in between conversations, I've decided that I needed to take a step back (I think I already have). Prior to the matter at hand, im actually quite speechless. If ever this feeling is supposed to be described as disappointed, I could only imagine how much more your own flesh and blood would feel. what more to go through it. Fuck all those reassurance. As much as I'm at fault (or rather partly), without you realizing it, you too have hurt those people that truly cared. the ones that were there for you in times of down. I just hope one fine day you realise. really.

*Some things are not meant to be. While fragile things can look very pretty and treasure-worthy, some times they are just ugly pieces of crap that got pawned off as fake art. The trouble with things that are not visual or tactile, is you can't quite figure out if that fragile sliver you hold in your hands is treasure or junk. Maybe this is or was junk. Time to throw it away? Treasures have meaning, so even if it needs mending, the collector will still keep it, and in time, mend it. Junk just belongs in garbage, and is not worth effort mending. *

Have you mistaken any piece of shit for treasure lately?

this i promise you

2011-01-28T01:36:00.002+08:00

This is definite. there's no me without them (: For all the little or big, minor or major life changes, they always got my back. Especially Mummy and Daddy. Im truly blessed. Oh yess, we're planning on going for a 5-6 days cruise this coming March. Carribean cruise? awwww. *jumps round* sound soooo fun! Alright, i should hold back the excitement for now. My travelling plans are EXPANDING (:

Half more cycle of work before Saturday arrives. My plans have been laid down, more or less. I've got issues. okay like how they always say it, we can plan, but ultimately HE decides. I cant wait for the Sakura treat, meeting the newly born twins and in between, I hope I get to squeeze some time to meet you before your next book in again :/ Burlesque?

I've got less than 6 hours before i stepped into hospital grounds again. Goodnight love!

Korea, Seoul; #01

2011-01-26T21:49:00.002+08:00

Ask me what was i doing exactly a month back at this particular moment;
i'll show you this:

Memories and experience exploring a foreign land with them still lingers sweetly in my brain cells (: In summary. Day one was all about boarding the subway, alighting at City Hall, walking aimlessly, down the river, and then back to Myeondong where our apartment was.

I havent been updating much here as compared to the other public space called tumblr. Dont ask me why. The comfort zone is there. More or less, i guess im leaving this space to rot. Will update once in a while, whenever i feel like it (:

Gotta run now. Goodnight!

I spy robins with my little eye

2011-01-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

Nin.

It's not about what you do. It's about who you are. It's not about who you are right now.
It's about who you could be. It's not about what could go wrong.
It's about what will go right. It's not about listening. It's about getting up and dancing.

P/s: Dear superman, if we could go out for a movie treat soon probably frolics too. I think I need a vent out session. there's just so much I can type and how much words can express virtually.

looking back retrospectively

2011-01-04T23:16:00.007+08:00

A new year a new beginning

Okay so finally im feeling more of a new years mood to write more then those 8 lines i previously drafted. been lying on my bed wasting time and thinking a lot. Thinking bout what has happened throughout the year and the memories that i have learn to cherish.

Reading my previous blog post i can clearly say, a lot of things has happen and a lot has changed but lets also not forget the things that hasnt. I think there are a lot of things i wish to never have happen to me again, but i think those problems are not something i want completely out my memories cause after all these are what changes things in life and they are what make you learn to stand up when you fall.

One of the many things i have learn however, is the definition of choices. I use to hate choices. I didnt see why we werent just giving one option, then we can just take and deal with it. I final understood that these choices that we are often force to choose that seem tough actual direct and guide us in our journey in life. They help us decide the course and what happens and it is somewhat powerful knowing that ya life although it sometimes might seem like it aint in your control, it actually is.

Twenty-ten. has been a year with loads of transitions. The year where I slogged through my finals as a tertiary student, subsequently graduated and get my diploma. A year I actually signed up for a part time job. and months later it became- the year where I actually got a permanent job which im quite certain will stay as my career for at least half a decade down the road.

I also thank 2010 for meeting some incredible people in my life and getting back with the people whom have drifted away.

In succinct diction for some special people in no particular order:

- My family.
Mummy and Daddy for the endless support in everything i do. brothers and sister for the constant joy they bring to my daily life.
the extended family. cousins, mainly Zaini, Zi, Rizza, Sharul, Haiqal, Mira, Chia, Mimmie (too many to mention all names) for all the random outings and fun happenings. We see each other naked and we will grow old together. we all know whats best. always looking out and standing by each other in times of trouble. they say blood is always thicker than water. I will confidently say, till death do us part. much love.

- KBBG.
which is made up of the best friend, the favourites, the supper gang and the closest friends. Fauzi, thank you for always making the effort to keep all of us together. the late night suppers and all. thank you for all the colours you've added to this friendship. Asmah, who showed me how someone small can have a heart so big. Fidah, thank you for simply being you. Remember that we discover and learn new things every single day. Khai, it's a whole lot of different sets of both positive and negativity this past season has been. but you know and i know we learn and grow from it. with you around, I learn to treasure every moment. something that I will cherish for life. Izzat, i've definitely talk more sense with you this season. Maisara, for being the best bestfriend i could ever ask for. Ong and Wayne, you're both as amazing. Syaa, for playing mommy. Ruz, i've always appreciate how you see things and speak your mind. Susu, Finah, thanks for being the friend and the sister. nights of random conversations. and Idham. thank you for all the laughters you've brought.
We're gonna reach the decade mark in 2011. Lets bring it on. (:

- CathayDTE.
I've said this so many times and im gonna say this again. They are one of the best thing that happen to me in 2010. it feels like one big family there. Fyan would make my day. Omar would have his random moments and how we grumble if we had to do closing and subsequently opening the next day. Closing and bingo sessions with Ibni were the best. Han, Nas, Nash and Wan for their merepekness-ttm. Hazim for all the laughters and dancing. Vanda and Aishah for being my best cherry tomato partners in crime. Aidah and Hakim for all the sweet dramas. Auni and Mas and toliet breaks moment that i'll never forget. Nani, Leha for the movie-after-work treat. Nina, Nana "customer confusion episodes". Hazleen and Syahidah fun times with Shrek (im still sorry i've lost the pics). On top of it all, Seri, Rahman, Visfer, Jo and Alfred for being the most gerek managers.

- PRCP and NR0720.
The thick and thin. Project/assignments/lectures/tuorial madness. we slogged through the FINALs together. how could I not remember those times. Now we're all full-fledged, regardless of the various departments we're majoring currently, I wish each one of you have a promising and fulfilling new year. do not let the passion die. patients at heart of all we do!

- CGHW36.
Hannah. Liling and YJ. I wouldnt know how work will be without you girls. All the seniors, Theresa, Sharifah, Fath, Hawa, Rachel, Sherly, Ain, Nora, MJ, Kate, Dorin, Fritz, Rose, Shirhan, Kak Za (too many to mention all). thanks for all your dedication and helping us pull through these initial phase of working life. Not forgetting those in blues. sister LF and sister CSK for granting most of my requested off days and my leave!

- my NS~~boys~~men.
Hamsin. thanks for being there. I love how you always remind me big girls dont cry yet i still feel the most comfortable crying out loud to you. literally. Firdaus A. and your constant support. you've always got my back in times of down. like when daddy's sick you and maisara were there, constantly checking on me. even going beyond what you had to. Farhan, for all the random conversations and reassurance. for the breakfast, lunch and dinner treat too. Cant wait for you guys to finally shout it out loud ORD-OH!

- Pengantin boys and babes.
Sadly towards the end of the year, all the meet up kinda failed (due to work/school and NS commitment) we didnt end off well but deep down we all know we'll look out for each other. Ewan, Hafiz, Hannan (Khir and Malik), Izuan, Ilham, Zaidi, Nirzuan, Firdaus, Hamsin, Fadli. Shay, Ayuni, Kairiah, Aqilah, Maisara, Hudah, Nani. You guys rock my socks. Till the many more catch up this year. Wait, we're going for a holiday trip in April! Cheers to the friendship!

- New found individuals
like Syahir, thank you for letting me have that chance to know you better. how friendship blooms just by me crashing your friend's birthday party. Nicholas. The recent trip was awesome what more a memorable one for all of us. Love the way you stand firm with decisions. basically the way you define life. and if you have to know this, that's the simple reason why anyone or rather someone would fall for you. Rene. oh mummy to be! i'll never forget the mugging/ beancurd/colour pens episodes. I'll never forget that smile on your face when you walk down that aisle in that gorgeous white gown. Sylvia, how we can comfortably connect and talk about girls being girls. you know what. and Mo, not that i really know you. but atleast for the bits and pieces of the conversation we hold.
P/s: I knew the guys, Syahir and Nich through Fidah. the ladies, Rene and Sylvia through Khai (:

- Finally, there have been many many other people whom i haven't named and i apologise deeply (these people don't get any award or trophies for their desks even if they got named you know). but friends whom i've reconnected with this year, make me feel like family, students who've embraced me into their lives, friends whom i've drifted apart from this year that i still miss dearly, lost loves that left me with a bruised ego and heart (HAHA), people who've just stepped into my life with a huge bang from where i now live ... the list just keeps going on. and i'm so glad it does, because my life would be such a nightmare if the list ends somewhere.
---

It might not have been the best year and if i could i would change alot of it but despite all i thank you all for making my 2010 yet another memorable year.

As for new years resolution. i really dun see the point cause no one or rarely anyone follows it cause people change all the time but if i have to make one. i only have one. i hope YOU stay happy :)

Life is like that. you live for the today and even though it might seem like its hard, you know you got all the great people around you to pull you up. cheers to more blessed times for 2011!

2010 will always be a momento ♥

I got it

2010-12-29T01:22:00.002+08:00

Like how much you love someone; it’s nearly impossible to know that until you spend your days without them. And there are those lessons that you can only learn through the beating of your heart and through feeling such strong emotions that you can barely breathe.

Current location: Myeondong; Seoul.

Awake, in a foreign land, at 1:45am, laughing away at the random silliest thing. the people sharing the same room here will know what I mean. Haha! My idea of a vacation. Surely.

It's day 3 already and im enjoying myself. No doubt it's going to be a lil different this season spending my EOY cum new year without the family. I do miss home, miss my bed and everything there, but im gonna make the best of the remaining days here.

Lotte world yesterday was magfabulous. and the main highlight of it all, it was snowing! Okay i'll save the details and pictures for some other time. Im really drained right now.

Oh. I've yet to come out with a new year kinda post too.
Till I have the inspiration in the days to come!

I do miss your hugs and kisses.
Sucks that Singtel didnt activate my auto-roaming here.

Night sweethearts.

de-stress

2010-12-19T23:54:00.000+08:00

im back!

Days of late have been tough. last weekend didnt end well. Whatever we had in our imagination didnt come true. mid last week, i was at my downest possible. with shitload of work plus the emotional ups and down. Khai has officially lodge himself at HTA. and then comes this weekend.

The drive up to Mersing made up for it. I wished it could be longer though.
To cut it short, waking up to the sound of crashing waves for the past mornings were simply love.

Alright, now that im back home, sadly, it's back to the harsh reality. gonna slogged my days at work and start packing up for Seoul trip next weekend!

I'll be back with some random pictures!

retrospectroscope

2010-11-25T00:51:00.004+08:00

I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. When you feel as hopeless as can be and life is going nowhere, there are those moments we have every now and then when we get this feeling that can’t be described, but you get this rush and the world stops spinning for a second and everything is clear and at that moment, you just know. I need more of those moments.

"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you."

I've always keep you in my prayers. always.

KBBG love ♥

2010-11-20T23:30:00.003+08:00

The heart to heart session by the beach. and we end up having to pen down thoughts about each other. yups on a precious tissue paper I would say. I had no idea what will happen after the cycle completed. So I kinda didnt dare to go too personal. If I knew earlier it would NOT be read aloud, I would have written something more personal for each individual. So anyway, here's some of the intended (deeper) stuffs that I wish to pen down. some of it are replies to the things written down on my tissue. Go figure if you want to (:

1. We can never get lost physically with you around.
2. I dont know why, but I think we share the same sentiments. the last thing I need to know is... there's history in making. Stay cute always.
3. Get your future sorted out soon yeah. Be the bubbly you that you've always been.
4. In case I havent tell you, you're awesome and I do treasure you alot. I wish I still have those carefree weekend time to talk to you. I miss Sundays. Much love.
5. Hello you. just that 4 words and it really means alot to me. please do not forget the future employment yeah. You know what Im talking about (; Now that I know, you can pause the wishing. Love you!
6. I feel that you've inherit some of my "genes" already. Hehes. I've taught you well, didnt I? (:
7. Okay best. stay gereks always.
8. I got most of the good laughters from you. My-self employed clown.
9. Heyyy...We're at the beach today. but you still owe me one, in case you've forgotten :P Thank you for being there, whenever I need you. even if it's 4AM.
10. You know how much I love holding proper conversations with you. very rare okay. hehs.
11. You're awesome just the way you are.
12. Chins up. You're stronger than you think you are. Put on that smile even when you ran out of energy. We're all right behind you. We lend our ears and shoulders FOC! *hugs*

Happy belated birthdays to Ogy, Wayne and Syaa. Welcome to the twenty-one club!
Happy advance birthday Idham and Ruz.
And to both my pillars of emotional strength and my favourite boys, Khai and Fauzi, do the nation proud and serve well! Gonna really miss you both :(

Gosh. im terribly emo-fied now. *in tears*

Goodnight lovelies!

heavy, too heavy.

2010-11-19T00:57:00.001+08:00

So today, I had another one of those moments. A moment where your brain suddenly jams up and then your eyes just start welling up. And very unhelpfully your mind chooses to put further emphasis on issues in your life which can be better/has gone wrong/you don't have answers to. Even if before that you weren't thinking of anything negative, at that moment, everything you've done seems wrong. Everything seems not good enough. Then you start asking yourself if it was all your fault, if you were the cause of things going wrong. Of course, you won't have an answer to that because that's just how it works. You keep repeating the questions till your brain exhausts itself looking for the right answers. That's when a happy thought hops right back into your mind, and the dark clouds which just a moment ago were looming above your head, are chased away. The sun shines again bla bla bla. But at the back of your head, that question mark remains, and whenever necessary it will occur to you once again as an unanswered qualm.

The ambiguity stays. It's still right here sitting in my head, and I am not anywhere near satisfied. Was/is it my fault?

I need dosage of laughter stat.

disenchanted

2010-11-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

Kak yati posted this on facebook earlier today;

It's malam raye and im feeling all nostalgic. I rarely talk about my cousins or anything related to mumsy's side. That's because im always closer to daddy's side due to age gap and all. But they are awesome just the same. This really brings back lots of memories. The picture tells alot. I miss those carefree days visiting nenek at her house in bedok north rd (: When I was a kid, still running around in diapers, nenek used to bring me and Yan downstairs to the playground and then spoonfeed us dinner. Oh well, simply said i miss nenek! Tmrow, I'll get to visit her first thing in the morning. and yes, how much I love family gatherings during festive season. soooo much love.

Salam Aidil`adha to all muslims out there!

Footprints in the sand

2010-11-13T23:06:00.005+08:00

That's basically how i spent my dewali holiday last week. simple. although it wasnt full strength, it was pure joy of family quality time under the sun, lots of junkfood, we had our footprints in the sand, kite-flying and the cool breeze by the beach, not forgetting the guitars. and these people... they are the ones that I grew up and get naked with, the ones that have known me (probably) the longest, apart from mummy and daddy of course.

Well, some say blood is definitely thicker than water (:

serving with passion

2010-11-07T20:22:00.005+08:00

Somewhere right now a nurse is getting yelled at for being late with medications, while holding her bladder because she didn't have time to pee, starving because she missed her break, being pooped/peed/bled on, and is missing her family while taking care of yours. In the minute it took you to read this, nurses all over the world ...are saving lives.
Love a nurse and start appreciating one ♥

Dear Nurarnina

On behalf of the hospital, I would like to compliment you for your exemplary performance.

Eugene Lim S.H. and Ong K.L. had complimented you for the excellent care and service rendered.

I am extremely proud to have a staff like you who go the extra mile and make a difference to our patients and their family members.

Keep up the good work and do continue to deliver excellent care and services to our patients!

Yours Sincerely,
T K Udairam
Chief Executive Officer

Nice isnt it getting a letter from the CEO? Alhamdulillah. All praises to the almighty. A distinction for Customer Service module back on those tertiary days proven to be well applied now (: On the other hand, job satisfaction, please give me back my 1) sleep, 2) normalcy. I need them badly.

Heard the perfect song over the radio earlier, however I got out of the car before the song ended so I don't know the title and I can't remember most of the lyrics now. However, it was perfect. If I hear it again, I'll try to get the song title. The weather's perfect to sleep right now too. Morning shift again tmrow.

I want to watch a movie. and have sushi. How bout a spin?
Tell me when you're in and free.

See ya!

wedding bells

2010-11-03T22:57:00.004+08:00

work is killing, but here's an update;

simply overjoyed.

The sweet girl that...

- I spent mugging/studying with, almost every semester (before exams) of my tertiary life.
- I share those many colour pens for our notes
- those random window-shopping with
- I had doughnuts with
- random movie treats with
- please dont forget this, Rochor beancurd too!
- ecetra ecetra

my goodness, and there she stand before our very eyes, saying those vows: now married to someone she love. Seeing that smile and seeing her walk down that aisle gave me a stronger constant reminder and believe- that dreams and such pure love do come true.

May your marriage be blessed with lots of happiness and joy for the many many years to come.

Congrats Rene! ♥

The end of october was sweet. It's three days past November now, and im heart-breakingly counting down the days. The day and date got amplified every morning when I wake up from sleep. November, please be nice and lets have a good closure too.

Alright. that's a lazy update from me folks. I feel more compelled to dedicate my thoughts elsewhere. Blogger has to stop being a bitch in order for me to stay loyal here (:

Tonight, there's a good in goodnight too. *hugggs*

In retrospect...

2010-10-28T23:26:00.001+08:00

I want everyone right now to think of the little things that have happened to them in the past week. More specifically, the people who have made you feel good for doing the simplest thing. Whether it be they were a good listener, someone who was there to relate, or even the people who complimented you that one day, and said your shirt was pretty, or that you had a nice smile. One little detail like that can change a life. We all go through difficult times, and keep moving on. And there’s a time in everyone’s life where they feel alone. Some may even feel that life isn’t worth all that they’re going through. In these times, we think about the good things we have. And when we realize there isn’t many, we think about the people that made us feel good. The people with heart. The ones who helped us out, and went out of their way to do something nice, for us. The worthless people we think we are.

How could someone be so considerate? And why? You may not realize it now, but the small things count. And in a time when you feel completely alone, there is always someone who cares. Even if they don‘t even know who you are. I care so much for people I don’t even know. I want to help anyone who feels as if they’re not enough. Let me change your life, cause I promise I’ll try. I love every person who has ever said something nice in my favor. They don’t know it but they saved my life. No one deserves to feel like they’re not good enough. No one deserves to feel like they’re not loved. I want you all to remember that these little things our lives are what matter most. You might not remember who these people are, but you will remember how the things they did changed your life. Maybe even saved it.

In turn, when you succeed in life, satisfied with what you have acheieved, don't ever forget where you came from. where it all started. Don't forget those who love you at your worse. who stood by you both in times of trouble and true happiness. remember that.

Anyway, it has finally donned on me that the review of appraisal that I submitted weeks ago is due this week. I suppose I'll have a session in the dark blue's office in less than 24hours. It's kinda nerve wrecking actually. Wish me luck!

Goodnight love!

you know...

2010-10-27T00:35:00.001+08:00

I love that part of a song that moves you. That like really, truly moves you. That part that you just can’t explain why you love it so much, that single part that you play over and over again. It’s unexplainable, and people call you crazy for it, but it’s that one part of a song that you adore. It’s that part that inspires you, gives you hope, moves you. That part you scribble the lyrics to everywhere you go. It’s the part that lets you know you’re not alone. The part that makes you feel invincible. That’s my favorite part.

Anywayy, I think I'm incapable of exercise. I always manage to find excuses. Honestly though, the sun is way too hot, and recently the haze shrouding the island is obnoxious. So, me not exercising is justified. I assume a daily climb up and down the steep stairways is exercise enough. oh.. and I'll just stick around indoors. Yoga on Wednesdays.

Saw the huge satellite moving this morning. I imagined for a moment that it was moving to receive incoming encoded messages from creatures up in the sky. Then I remembered I'm not a child, and wasn't sure how much imagination was overboard, and how much was a healthy dose.

Maybe children imagine aliens and unicorns, and adults are supposed to have sexual fantasies instead. I don't know what adolescents dream of. Truancy and cigarettes, perhaps.

OH man, I hope my phone doesn't crash. and for all the chaos and drama that's going on at work, I'm physically drained. A pleasant morning later. pretty pleaaase? Okay, hopefully tomorrow is manageble for me. Sleep. Or at least try to.

lagoon chalet

2010-10-24T23:56:00.003+08:00

Im picturing this just ONE week before Seoul trip end of year! Hopefully my PH leave is granted. InsyaAllah. we have plans to convoy and it'll be a mag and it'll be so exciting!

Happy sixty-second! ♥

weird FB guys...

2010-10-22T23:04:00.004+08:00

HAHAHA THIS IS SO GOOD! I know right - Those weird guys who sent you fb msges or add you and keep commenting on your posts. Don’t know you so buzz off.

glitters or jitters

2010-10-22T14:05:00.002+08:00

Watched You Again with Khai, Hazim and Leha yesterday. and it was pretty much exactly as wonderfully femslashy as I’d hoped. Also just incredibly fun and sweet and enjoyable, the whole way through; it was so easy to feel where just about everyone was coming from, even when they made selfish or stupid decisions. They were painfully easy to identify with no matter how they behaved. I laughed alot throughout. like how i needed it. but towards the end, tears flow. lol. a sister-brother love; how they protected each other from getting hurt was simply heart warming.

Anyway, they say that everyone deserves a second chance. but im gonna stand firm that we shouldnt second guess ourselves to begin with.

Seriously, I am craving for a few slices of thin-crust seafood with/without squid ink pizza. Ahhh, my long lost frutti de mare. You and I go way back, my friend. Unfortunately, I can't quite challenge my gut to such gastronomical delights quite yet. I realised I only had club-sandwhich and a packet of milo the whole of yesterday.

I falter with certain decisions lately. I thought I had courage and adequate evidence that the universe was giving me an answer, but this morning, I just wonder... if everything's oppositional. Do I really want to be misunderstood or not understood at all for eternity? Just wait and see how things develop, I guess.

I cant believe im saying this, but I kinda miss late night session with Superman :( by the time I got home yesterday, as soon as the head hits the pillow, all I wanted to do was shut my eyes, nap and wake up in the wee hours. but nooo. I end up sleeping throughout the night. dreamt about her and I had to frantically check the virtual world when I woke up- just to make sure it wasnt real. What was yours about?

Ouh well, things always present themselves at the most inopportune of times.

Not too sure what the late afternoon would bring. Up for some horror? maybe.

Today;

2010-10-07T23:31:00.009+08:00

better than yesterdays...

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

Great movie for a lovely Thursday evening ♥

Today, is awesome.
Today, my day started well with a good morning text from you.
Today, I had breakfast with the family.
Today, I went to meet Nora and boyfriend and Aisyah to sign her deeds. We had to sign 8 pages and a total of 4 sets of the deeds.That is sure alot of stuff.
Today, I had a freaking good run after sucha long time. Timing sure suck alot though. 12 mins flat when I used to be able to complete the rounds in less than 11? oh well. Other stations went perfectly fine.
Today, I met Azhar after so long. Apparently he was on long MC and when he came back, I was already on leave.
Today, I had bubbles (bubble tea) with Liling, YJ and Hannah.
Today, I had good movie treat with Khai, Leha and Nani.
Today, I managed to catch up with Fyan and Faiz. omg when they SHOUTED my name from far, i was like "oh wow, korang still remember me eh...?" :D I need not state here what their reply was.
Today, I realised how much I miss working at Cathay. particularly with Fyan. Remembering those days, when he was new at concess and I had to share the counter with him. and how he would force me to move aside to serve the hot/chicks-customer. meh~ and how he would suggest the front row seats instead of the middle or the back and i'll just end up laughing at how he talks. omg. relieving the moments indeed.

Today, Im glad that those people are still friends. The people I know DID NOT and hopefully will not become people I knew. It is sure a good feeling, knowing that i am still able to talk to them comfortably. Never regret working there although it was barely 4 months. I truly had my fair share bits of moments, whatever you call that. Cathay DTE was one of the best thing that happen to me in 2010 apart from graduation and getting a stable job. Oh nooo, all of a sudden after typing those out, I feel terribly emo-fied.

Today, I feel blessed (:

2010-10-06T12:48:00.001+08:00

How can I forget all that
When you are the one that make me smile
You'll always be a part of me
How I wish you were still mine

For all the things I've done and said
For all the hurt that I've caused you
I hope you will forgive me baby
Cause that wasnt what I meant to do...

P/s: this has been on the ipod repeat.

Give it all away

2010-10-05T02:55:00.034+08:00

I think it's time to seize the opportunity. If the people I've met along the way are so hurtful and hesitant, then it's high time I forget about what they've done or, rather, NOT done and move onto the only steady force delivered to me so willingly and gallantly (of course, I need to conduct more tests first). I shouldn't wait for assholes to turn back as and when they like to. Nuh-uh. The only sad thing is that these assholes don't even know it. Not that I plan to care. I was done caring about such things long ago. and it sucks even more that I cant even mention (the obvious) to your best friend about it.

This is all you'll ever be to me. :) I've given up waiting for change to occur a long time ago. Status quo isn't too bad anyway.

Estradiol. Now, where did that come from?

Anyway, now I have multiple bags of kettle chips and pretzel bits at home. Ahhh... orgasmic bliss for the upper aerodigestive tract, hell for the lower gastrointestinal tract. and I had a fair indulgence of good ice cream as planned. Tom's Pallete; salted caramel cheesecake (as always) & banana chocolate over Granny's favourite. totally no regrets. Thank you El-Hannah Ho Yiting ♥

Then I came home and watched 'Shelter' in which Julianne Moore was brilliant and I wasn't scared enough. Stupid horror films.

Eat, Pray, Love will only start showing end of this week. I need to find a way to miraculously finish reading the entire book though. Ouh...Briks, you'll have to wait! and Friday! Manhattan and retail therapy!

Please, I wish I had heart-stopping adventures like people in the movies or TV shows.

knackered!

2010-10-03T01:29:00.001+08:00

A patient told me today that nowadays wives tell their husbands that anything he can do, she can do better. He says no man can stand that, and if a man marries a woman who is more intelligent/ has a better career, he should request for her income tax statements. Heh.
While I can sort of understand where he comes from, even if he was an elderly, elderly person.... it just means men cannot stand the heat. Basically men who suck stay sucky and women who are smart play a dangerous game in love. In the end, women always lose out because men feel the need to stifle them.

To each his own, I suppose. I'll never marry a man who requests for my income tax statements and stamps on my career (wherever I end up) just to boost his own ego. Such men need to marry women who are in awe of them, and can endure a lifetime of being trophy wives.

I think mutual respect and appreciation is much better than the archaic need to have man. LOL.

On another note, while im at it (refering to my ranting about work); earlier this week, had a wonderful high tea at Carousel; Royal Plaza with the collegues.

No doubt im the most junior sitting among them. Thankful and glad to be part of this new born family of nurses. Let me just rant abit. Maisara's with the cute baby girl. Fath's the cool one. Hawa's pregnant with TWINS, Rachel, I love her big eyes! Theresa and Shirley, my partners in crime during night shifts, Kak Za and Kak Rok our mothers. Sharifah the dramatic one. Ain and Nora's going back to school for advance dip. This is kinda farwell for them. All the best babes! Not forgetting my favourite batch girls (not in picture), Hannah, Liling and YJ- you girls are equally awesome. Lets have supper again soon! and Dr Kenrick (if you happen to read this, which i doubt you will), dont jealous okay? :P

Chronic afternoon shifts are over. one final day left till the long awaited leave. Done with my overdue appraisal. Wish me luck, finally gonna submit it later. Glugging water down now while my hair dries. Dehydrated and sleepy.

I suppose @fauzierettz gonna flood eastpoint mall on a late Sunday afternoon. Im gonna drop by after shift. oh well, this is what happens when you have a brother whose girlfriend is a pure die hard fan. Secretly hoping it was Taufik instead. HAHA!

Okay SLEEP.

treasure the love you have...

2010-10-02T02:52:00.002+08:00

so people like me can still feel like there's hope and that there'd eventually be someone for me, and that i'd be someone for someone. so people like me can believe that love can conquer all and dream that there'd be someone to whom we can employ all the romantic ideas that we have up our sleeves. so people like me can make plans and take notes of restaurants that are ideal places to go for dates and fantasize about holidays where there would just be the two of "us". so people like me would still think that i may have a family someday, somehow, someplace.

do it for people like me.

:)

because i am 100% certain that life's scarcely any better for people like me.

Raya Band Version

2010-09-29T03:39:00.006+08:00

before the Raya vibe's gone (partly already did); I'll post this simple.

Now check out the older version of Band Goes Raya.

All the past years...

Just compare and look at how much we've grown...hahaha.

P/s: I'll be re-editting this slideshow when I have the time. for achiving purposes and keep sake. So if you have nothing better to do and want to relieve those nostalgic times, drop by again sometime soon. and sorry, this is only applicable for ex BNSB members (:

Tired?

2010-09-28T02:55:00.000+08:00

Being less outspoken might put you at a disadvantage but I truly believe that capability isn’t all about using the mouth. To me, thats just a bunch of meaningless words. But speaking at appropriate timings, having thought through the repercussions & behaving like a matured person are what impresses me. Cliché but action still speaks louder than words.

Okay. Like I've mentioned. All this waiting confusion is odd, and I feel strangely detached to it now. Despite my initial feelings of anguish.

Anyway, SLEEP.

Family Dynamics

2010-09-27T21:14:00.003+08:00

What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn’t just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger.

Nenek's birthday on first of Syawal. Sorry this comes in a lil late. Anyway, Alhamdulillah this strong family bond cum get together isnt just a yearly affair. we meet up for late night picnics every other weekend too ♥

I'll post the other belated happenings soon. Fingers crossed. Hehe.

2010-09-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

You can be the peanut butter to my jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly

You can be the captain and I can be your first mate
You can be the chills that I feel on our first date
You can be the hero and I can be your sidekick...

Maybe me and you, we're the perfect two...

2010-09-24T01:13:00.001+08:00

When you’re out there looking for the perfect person, keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you’re thirty-five. You have to find someone who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other.

You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someone who will take you now.

Kecoh Kecoh Raye

2010-09-14T00:55:00.002+08:00

Here's the two rather lame videos that we recorded on the second day of raya marathon. Yan posted it on FB but when i tried replaying it back, it got cut off half way. So here i am, posting it up on my blog. Enjoy!

presenting... cucu Sunari;

just the boys... the intro with the gendang quite nice. zi should just continue from the back eh. lol.

plus the ladies...

I know Atok will be so proud of us if he's still alive :(
There are like so many other pics to post. I'll do it as soon as i can find time.

For now, that's all i have (:

2010-09-09T01:24:00.000+08:00

with (more than) these amount of pictures to filter.............

... im so tempted to do this to my wall. Heh.

I've been working crazy for the past week. Finally on the last cycle of morning shift before the long weekends. What's in store for me tmrow? Hmmm... ((:

2010-09-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we needed the most?
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
They tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know, you tell me don't lie
You work on a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where was the passion when you need it the most?
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Had a bad day

Ostentatious Virtue?

2010-09-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

I dislike how the new batch of HOs carried themselves today.

Wishing you were here.
Wishing many things were here. Things that was suppose to happen, mainly.
The high tides and crashing of waves against the shore. ahhh... I bet he forgets.

How do human beings fall asleep? Why do we go to sleep?

A part of me wants to fling watermelons off a high-rise building onto concrete floor and watch the melon pulp get run over by aeroplanes. If that can even happen.
Another part of me wants to have a picnic in a lush green field with someone quiet and can make me nice sandwiches, watch a movie while lying on the picnic mat and falling asleep with my brain filled with psych knowledge.

I'm having flight of ideas. Help. How now, brown cow?

A Million Love Songs later.... here I am. Nice song!

Maybe all I want is to sit on a scary roller coaster, not puke my guts out, and then proceed to rule the universe. Haha!

2010-08-31T22:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes a girl just want you to make her feel special. Do something out of the ordinary or something cute that's unusual. Trust me, that smile on her face will bring yours too and it'll be something you wont forget. for a very long time.

2010-08-30T01:00:00.000+08:00

hahaha. guilty as charged.

2010-08-24T23:44:00.001+08:00

“When people ask me how they can become a photographer, I almost never mention cameras, lenses, or technique.

I say, ‘If you want to be a photographer, first leave home.’ As Paul Theroux, a great writer and friend, further advises, “Go as far as you can. Become a stranger in a strange land. Acquire humility.

Leaving home really means that the photographer (or writer) has to wander, observe, and to paraphrase Theroux, concentrate on people in their landscape. That is what I try to achieve in my pictures.”

I've been reading travel blogs, tumblr-ing, looking at pictures of places around the globe, and reading back packer stories. Only God knows what damage that has done to my brain. Boy have I been corrupted. But really, I dont want to be sitting in my bedroom and watching the world pass me by as i grow old, just like that. Yes that sounds like a line from some cheesy love song but it's true! What's worse, I dont want to be taking pictures which are of the same genre every single time. I know I dont have so much ME-time, and my current job scope is not even anything along that line. But fuck it. I really want to travel.

If I do not manage to see the world before I get married (if ever that is) I think I will be an unhappy bride. I kid you not.

Damn I feel crappy. Haha!

Okay. I've side-tracked far too much. this wasnt my intention of blogging today actually. Looking at the time, I dont think I'll be able to type another entry. shall put that on hold first. but I'll mark this down;

it's day 2,190 today.
With that, I Thank you ♥

2010-08-24T02:45:00.001+08:00

Superman- Five For Fighting.

2010-08-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

Check this dude out (and his other covers). He's darn good. That being said, i'm gonna download and upload it on my ipod. He's definitely gonna sing for me tonight.

Upcoming week's schedule is crazy. Did I mention, recently, I signed up for yoga classes? and also my 2.4km TYL run is about a month time. plus, im volunteering for the event too. I havent been putting on my running shoes for quite sometime. Gotta start getting back on the track.

Daddy got admitted for some major infection this afternoon. I really hope he's alright :( and Mummy, stay strong okay! We're all here for you. I love you both much!

2010-08-21T22:45:00.000+08:00

Cant wait to watch this!! ((:

2010-08-19T22:29:00.002+08:00

credits: tumblr

ahhh.....nice!!